Saturday, March 24, 2012
A Place of Yes
Bethenny Frankel has been one of my favorite reality tv stars for quite some time and I'm glad I've finally been able to read her book, A Place of Yes. I first saw Bethenny on The Apprentice, the season with Martha Stewart and then when I realized that my favorite Real Housewife of NYC was that same person I was happy to see her again. I've always sorta related to her, I like her spunkiness and the fact that she does not take crap from anyone. Plus, I always have to root for the person who goes for funny, even if its a tiny bit inappropriate or mean. I swear, I try not to do that sometimes but damn, if I've got a zinger and its funny, you can count on me saying it. Like Bethenny, I also have a strained relationship with my mom and did a fair amount of my own upbringing (as well as my brother's!) and I admire all that she has done for herself.
A Place of Yes is about getting what you want out of life, whether its relationships or career and the ways to do this. I really enjoyed hearing some of the background stories behind some of the stuff mentioned on RHONYC or on her spin off shows and I was AMAZED to find out how much Bethenny struggled financially during the time of The Apprentice and during RHONYC. I really never would have guessed she wasn't as financially well off as some of the other women on that show. I know some of that is due to editing but overall, Bethenny always seemed to have her act together.
Chapter one of this book really spoke to me because it was all about breaking the chain. When I found out I was pregnant with a girl I had a hard time believing it or accepting it. I wanted it to be a girl so badly because I wanted the chance to be a better mother to my little girl than I had. I wanted to be a different type of mom and stop the cycle of the way mothers and daughters interact in my family. Even though I'm only 11 years into this journey of motherhood, it feels SO good to know that this chain has been broken and that history has not repeated itself. I've never really met anyone who *got* how I felt, this almost primal urge to be SO different until I read Bethenny's story. Its nice to know that there are other mothers out there in my position and to know that I'm not the only one with such a strong, strong desire to break the chain.
In Bethenny's spin of shows, Bethenny Getting Married and Bethenny Ever After, I've seen some similarities of her relationship with her husband Jason to my own marriage and again, its nice to know I'm not alone. My dh and I tend to fight a lot, like way more than we should and we've always sorta been like this. I know part of it is me, I have a hard time letting people love me or even like me and this is something that really bothers Mike. I KNOW I should be different but its hard sometimes, especially when your entire life up to that point shows a history of being unloved and unaccepted. Its hard to believe that this time is different and that it takes work to get used to that.
In a recent episode of Bethenny Ever After, they showed some struggles between Jason and Bethenny about him coming across as a perfect husband on the show but that wasn't the "inside Jason" that they see at home. When you are the one going into a relationship as the "damaged" one who is a tough person to love its easy for your spouse to always come across as "right" but that only ends up making the "damaged" one beat them self up even more. I can see why Bethenny and Jason fight about that, he's had such a history of being loved and I don't think he always realizes how those little comments about her inadequacies or things she struggles with can embed in her mind and really cut her down. I doubt he's doing that on purpose but if you are the other person, its hard to not let those comments really eat at you. I'm still hurt my ex mother in law told my ex that she was concerned he was marrying someone who was damaged goods because my parents got divorced! But he got divorced too a few years after that so I guess we are both damaged goods now LOL
If you are a fan of the RHONYC or Bethenny or even someone with a screwed up family history, you should check out this book. She has a good outlook on life and I think she's done a great job getting to where she is today, both in her personal relationships and professionally. I haven't read her other books because our library doesn't have them but I might just take a trip to Barnes and Noble next week and pick them up. I haven't tried any of her Skinny Girl drinks yet either but after reading this book, I want to, even if its just as a way of supporting her since I admire all she's done for herself.
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