Saturday, October 1, 2011

Temporary Marriage License



I got married the first time, when I was 21 and even from the beginning I knew it was a mistake. It wasn't a glaring mistake at first but now that I've had some time to think about things I knew that there were red flags and warning signs all along. I would have saved myself a lot of heartaches and headaches if I had noticed them from the start. But, I didn't so all I can do now is move on and learn from my mistakes. I might as well, I have plenty of them! I think kids in America get caught up in the wedding part of the equation and not as much attention is directed towards the marriage itself.

My ex, Jon, and I just weren't a good match and I can really see that now. Back then it wasn't as apparent and I think part of the problem was that I was dealing with my parents very messy divorce which really clouded my judgement and made me rush through some things because I was looking for a safety net. I was 19 and Jon was 20 when we met and he told me after we separated that I met him at a time in his life when he thought it was the right time to settle down and I was the best looking, single Christian girl he knew. It kinda sucked to hear it at first, to know that you were "chosen" because of circumstances like that but really, he's kind of right. If you grow up in a Christian home with those sort of "rules" to follow, when you meet someone in college who has those same ideals and you date them for a year or two what is the next logical step? Marriage of course! Well, it shouldn't be that way but I think a lot of other kids have fallen into that same situation. We were both brought up that it was wrong to have sex before marriage so when you date someone at that age and you don't have sex, I think you kind of rush through some of the steps to get to the final step, marriage, so that can finally stop pretending that you don't want to do "it". I know a number of other people I went to church with that ended up with starter marriages for pretty much the same reasons.

I saw the video posted above on CNN today and thought it was a great idea what Mexico City is thinking of doing. They are proposing to offer newlyweds a chance to "get out" of their marriage after 2 years. I think this is a GREAT idea and I've often thought that in the United States we should have a renewable marriage license. People will marry and divorce even if its not an option to renew their marriage license but for those that may not want to stay with that person F.O.R.E.V.E.R. it gives them the chance to end things on a positive note instead of going through a heartbreaking and traumatic divorce.

Divorce turns the marriage into a business transaction and allowing a renewable marriage license lets them keep the business stuff business and lets you focus on your relationship on a different level. People get their feelings hurt during divorces when you are trying to balance out the emotions in your relationship while also trying to deal with the finances and legalities involved.

I believe Mexico City's proposal also includes dealing with the business part of stuff at the beginning which I think is a really good idea. I'm married now and don't have a prenuptial but I think it would be a good idea to do one as part of a renewable marriage license to discuss everything at the beginning so things are fair, you know, while you still actually like the person, and then work on the relationship to make things work. Then if you choose not to renew the license its cut and dry, no messy divorces bickering over little things and causing a lot of hurt to all involved.

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